A Child in Glasses

     One change in our lives in the fall of 2012 was the introduction of glasses to my daughter’s every day wear. It all started on October 9, 2012, while walking around our local Wal-Mart with my sister, who apparently took issue with her niece constantly walking into racks of clothes. She chided me, not for the first time, about my child walking into things and how maybe she needed her vision checked. I am not really sure why but this time I actually did something about it, I called our eye clinic and as it turned out they had an appointment available the next day. So the next day as I drove my daughter to get her eyes checked I gushed to my sister how cute she would look in glasses. It wasn’t until after the doctor told me she actually needed them that I considered what sort of trouble I was in for. It was then that I started imagining the difficulty of getting a four year old to keep her glasses on.

 

     I have to admit that for the most part I been pleasantly surprised, whether it has been due to the fact that they improve her vision so much or the fact that they are pink she has taken to wearing her glasses quite easily. However we still have are moments, like the morning when I asked why she wasn’t wearing her glasses and she responded by saying “they don’t like my face.” (I didn’t even know how to respond to that.) Then there have been a few times when we are pulling out of the driveway or neighborhood and she starts screaming and crying about not having her glasses, there are a number of factors which determine whether we go back for them. The worst moments are when she is refusing to take them off and go to bed, it is not easy to fight with a four year old to get her glasses off her face without breaking them.

The Roller Coaster Continues...

So it has been a long time since I have written anything for this blog but I am determined to turn over a new leaf and give a voice to the ideas swirling in my head. Much like the title of my blog suggests life is a roller coaster and mine hasn’t stopped while I’ve been away.

I met a guy, who turned out to be a jerk, found out I was pregnant; he disappeared before I could even decide to tell him. I had a miscarriage; the New Year still came all the same. I continued to learn and work through my final year of law school. Took my MPRE, didn’t get a high enough score. I graduated law school and on the same day my beautiful little girl turned 4. I moved back in with my parents, studied for the bar exam, took the bar exam, took the MPRE (yeah didn’t really study for that one), and then waited and waited some more for results. Went to a party and took a chance admitting my social anxiety…who knew making friends was so easy! I passed the bar exam and the MPRE, finally got admitted for to the Nebraska Bar. I got sworn in, so now I am a Nebraska attorney living with her parents and child in Illinois.

My goal is to get back into this blog and maybe share a few lessons I am learning while enjoying the roller coaster ride of my life. J

Looking For A Man Who’s A Little More Country Than That

      As I dive back into the dating game I have started to evaluate what I am looking for in a man. In large part because I am preparing my profile on Match.com and I want to attract the right type of man without seeming overly picky. I can enumerate the qualities I would like to avoid, a sort of been there done that list, but that would probably make guys think I am witchy. Though really is it so much to ask of a guy that he: not be commitment phobic, be able to go to restaurants and other places without too much anxiety, not belittle himself or other people, not take issue with the fact that I might have more education than him, have some common sense, isn’t looking for an instant family and dating me just because I have a child, and regularly pays his bills. Call me crazy but I don’t think this list is going to attract too many guys for me.

      So I have decided to try and write it in a more positive light…I am hoping for a little (read a lot) of help from my friends in this task. When I think about what I want in a man the song “A Little More Country Than That” by Easton Corbin, it describes a man who would be more comfortable with small town life than big city life. He is honest, loyal, and doesn’t play around with a woman’s feelings. He is in it for the commitment and when he makes that commitment he intends to keep it. Sure there are other things I want in man but these are the most basic things put in the most positive light. I still have to write my Match.com profile and will take all the advice I can get.


A Little More Country Than That
By Easton Corbin

Imagine a dirt road full of pot holes
With a creek bank and some cane poles
Catching channel cat
I’m a little more country than that

Picture a small town with an old hound
Laying out front of the court house
While the old men chew the fat
I’m a little more country than that

I just want to make sure you know just who you’re getting under this old hat
Cause girl I’m not the kind to two time or play games behind your back
I’m a little more country than that

Think of a hank song from days gone
With a steel ride that’s so strong
It sends chills up your back
I’m a little more country than that

If you want a brick home in a school zone
With the doors locked and alarms on
Girl, you’re way off track
I’m a little more country than that

I just want to make sure you know just who you’re getting under this old hat
Cause girl I’m not the kind to two time or play games behind your back
I’m a little more country than that
Yeah, I’m sure that you’ve heard those three words from Others
But they fell flat
But this ring ain’t something that I mean to give you
And then take back
I’m a little more country than that
I’m a little more country than that
I’m a little more country than that

Why I Am Going To My High School Reunion.

I recently received an invitation (Facebook invite) for my 15 year class reunion which has led to some interesting conversations with friends I graduated with about reasons to go or not go. As this is my blog I will only discuss my own opinions and reservations about the matter. I am sure people many people will be able to identify with what I am saying. Reunions bring up all sorts of issues; I wasn’t popular in high school. I was one of the ones that got made fun of all the time, looking back I can kind of understand why, it wasn’t hard to get a rise out of me. And I wasn’t from the area; I started school halfway through freshman year. After a while I didn’t even bother to try getting along with others or getting them to like me I was bitchy, it was a defense mechanism after all it’s easier to accept they don’t like you if you know (or think you know) why they don’t like you. By the end of high school I didn’t bother to let anyone get close enough to really get to know me or become friends. For me high school was hell and I was happy when it was over, I couldn't put enough distance between myself and that place.

Yet when the "invite"(more word of mouth) for my 10 year class reunion came I wasn’t hesitant to go, like I am now. I guess because I felt my life was in a better place, I could show them they were wrong about me. I could show them I wasn't the person they thought I was, though looking back now I am not really sure what they thought about me. Anyway five years ago I was about 50lbs lighter than I am now, which was thinner than I was in high school. This is perhaps my biggest issue, I hate how heavy I am and how I look right now.

Five years ago I was starting Law School and had a successful marriage minded boyfriend. What I didn’t know is that about a month after the reunion that my seemingly marriage minded boyfriend would announce the weekend before I started Law School that he got a promotion in another state, was moving, breaking up with me, and in spite of everything he had told me was never sure how he felt about me. Needless to say this did not make for a successful start to school, add to it learning disabilities and not having the proper documentation for testing accommodations and long story short my first year didn’t go so well. It ended even messier but that is a tale to be told another day. I ended up giving Law School a second try and I am now a 3L, which means I am a student without a job or a career. Sure I have the potential for a career but that doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment.

In the years between my first go round with Law School and my second I became a single mother. My daughter is my pride and joy but still I feel a certain lacking for my lack of a relationship or marriage. I rarely even date, I could blame it on being a single mother and a full time student but the truth is that as of late I haven’t even tried. I have made a couple of questionable choices when it comes to men in the past and I not sure I trust myself in that arena anymore.

None of this makes for good what have you been up to conversation and so I am hesitant to go to the reunion. But I am going because it’s not about showing anyone they were wrong about me. Or showing who great and wonderful my life has turned out…even if it has turned out pretty great. As I grown older and talked to more of the people I went to school with I have realized that high school wasn’t a picnic for most of them either. Everyone had their own set of problems. So I will go and enjoy the day with a few friends and what is essentially a bunch of strangers and maybe I will make a few new friends. It will be another exercise in letting go of past hurt and the self-destructive methods of self-preservation I developed. 15 years after high school I have learned that I need to make an effort and let people in, if I am to set a healthy example for my child and a healthy pattern for my life.

To Party Or Not To Party

     I have never liked hosting parties. You put all sorts of effort into planning, inviting people, cleaning house, making food and all the other stuff that goes with giving a party. Then on the day of the party you sit and wait for guest to arrive, this is the part I hate the most. There are always those few friends that you know, if they said they would be there, will be there barring exceptional circumstances. But with the rest of the guest you’re left sitting there thinking will they arrive and what if they don’t, how should you feel about that… I have had way too many experiences of people not showing up, so much in fact that I rarely bother to throw parties anymore. In recent years I have limited the parties I have hosted to birthday parties for my daughter, people are usually a little bit more consistent when RSVPing and showing up to a child’s party.

     I was recently convinced to be break my general rule against hosting parties, my sister recently became a Pure Romance consultant and I agreed to host her first party. So I set about planning, inviting, and generally preparing. I went around talking to people and seemed to have a good amount of interest. Going into the weekend I was hopeful and being hopeful I set about baking brownies and cakes. I bought cookies, wine, and fruit in anticipation. I was expecting around ten people what I got was three. Normally I would have let this depress me and prevent me from enjoying myself; however, this time I had prepared myself and I was determined to have a good time no matter what happened. And that’s exactly what I did, in the end it didn’t matter that only three guest came because I didn’t let it bother me. My sister gave a great presentation and we all just had fun with it, it turns out that the people who didn’t come were the ones who lost out not me. Does this mean I am chomping at the bit to have another party…no not really but I find I am also not as opposed to the idea.

     Which is probably a good thing because my daughter’s 3rd birthday is coming up.

Why I flip the radio station when they start talking.

     I heard something on the other day on the radio that reminded me why I dislike 95% of all radio personality. I was listening to the radio and the DJ/Host came on talking about a jury verdict in a case where a man sued the Royals after he suffered a detached retina from getting hit in the eye by a hot dog thrown by the team mascot. Apparently the jury found against the plaintiff and the host found the whole thing joke worthy. All I could think is laughs at someone getting a torn retina...how is that funny...and how is the fact that he has had suffer the cost on top of the injury funny. Maybe it's me, maybe I just don't have a sense of humor.

     The whole thing reminded me of a things in the past that had me turning off the radio or changing the station every time they started talking. One of those things was the infamous McDonald's coffee case, the never ending jokes and gross misrepresentation of the facts kept me entrenched in my CDs for ages. Even now when I hear a comment or joke about that case my esteem for the speaker plummets and I change the station. So few of those who talked/joked most about it took the time to educate themselves about it.

   Another incident happened while I was in college in Kearney Nebraska, a high school girl was abducted from the local mall. It was talked about constantly by local TV and radio, the girl was instrumental in her own rescue. She managed to leave clues and sneak phone calls to her family and police. When she finally returned home she declined to answer questions, the radio personalities turned on her. They talked about how she "owed" them an interview, they had (in their overly inflated opinion) kept her story in the lime light, and now, according to them, she owed them. It was revolting and after that I kept the radio off for months.

   Over the years there has been plenty of other things to give me pause...homophobic comments...jokes made at the expense of people or groups. Personally with the exception of a few radio personalities the whole lot of them could be replace by a computer personality. However, as that is not likely to happen anytime soon I will just continue to change the station when they start talking or listen to my CDs.

Eczema is the new evil word in my household!

So my daughter has had what I thought was a diaper rash for nearly four weeks now. For the first two weeks I treated it with over the counter product. It would get better for a little bit but then get really bad again until her skin was cracked and pealing. I provided the daycare with Pampers brand diapers and again there was improvement. After two weeks I took her to the pediatrician who prescribed an oral medication and special Butte Paste. Again there was improvement but not enough. After giving her the medication for the two weeks it was prescribed her skin was still peeling and cracking. And to make it worse she was scratching at it. So I took her to a dermatologist, turns out that she had a diaper rash and it caused the eczema to flair up. I knew there was a chance she would have eczema, her “dad” had it, she had some signs when she was smaller but the pediatrician said it was just baby eczema and she would grow out of it.

Doesn't look like she is going to just grow out of it. :-( So now we have a prescription for a steroid cream and have begun a round of testing what products will be right for her. I am determined to make her as comfortable as possible. I am also determined that my child will not run around scratching her skin off. For now I have trimmed back her nails and dress her so she can’t scratch…I am thinking a nice pair of fuzzy-silky gloves.

UPDATE: Between medical treatment and potty training we managed to get the Eczema cleared up and have not had a relapse!