Thank you, I don't require your opinion of my career choice.

     Ever since I made the decision to go to law school I have noticed something interesting...everyone has an opinion about lawyers and they feel the need to share those opinions once they find out you are even considering law school. In addition to their opinions you will also hear every lawyer joke ever told ad nauseum. This wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for the overwhelming negativity. It gets tiring listening to people enumerate the evils of my chosen profession. I actually once had a guy respond with “I’m sorry” when I told him that I was going to law school, he felt that strongly about lawyers. I have come to the conclusion that everyone (well at least the vast majority) hate lawyers that is until they need one. Though, at least one of my classmates would suggest that people hate lawyers even when they need them, maybe even more so because they need them.

      Day in and day out I am subjected to opinions about what people think are the latest frivolous lawsuits..."can you believe that person hired a lawyer"...and so on. Personally I reserve judgment on (potential) cases because I don't have all the facts or the expertise to say whether there is a potentially valid claim. I know that the media never has all of the facts and it is pointless to speculate based on what they provide. Even in cases that are being or have been litigated the media rarely has or gives all the facts. I also know that there are rules that govern the profession of law designed to prevent or discourage so called frivolous law suits, that's not to say they don't happen, but I am generally willing to give the attorney's the benefit of the doubt. Is that an optimistic/idealistic take on the situation? Yeah probably so but then again that’s why I am in law school. I am optimistic about my ability to help people; it’s why I am becoming a lawyer.

      I think the real problem is that lawyers get the blame for a lot of things that they don’t even decide, such as the amount of damages awarded in cases. Yes they ask for exorbitant amounts, it’s their job to get the most they can for their clients. What is not their job is actually determining the damages awarded, that is left in the hands of the jury or the judge. Furthermore, most cases end up settling for far less than the awarded damages, just because the jury says you get ten million doesn’t mean you actually do. Cases can drag on for years in the appeals process, so a favorable verdict may actually only result in a post judgment settlement.

      Lawyers also get the blame for things like high insurance rates as if law suits are the cause of your car or home owners’ insurance company charging you more money. People fail to think about the fact that if an insurance company made the claims process easier and fairer there might not be a need for a lawyer to get involved. Instead insurance companies have set up a system designed to avoid paying as much as possible. Lawyers are brought into the process to protect the rights of the injured party to think about their interest rather than the insurance company’s bottom line. Also risk of high damage awards in certain fields, like medical malpractice, and certain areas of the country, i.e. Saint Clair and Madison County IL, drive up insurance premiums. If you want to place blame maybe you should put it on the shoulders of the insurance company who fails to provide a fair and just settlement. Or on the shoulders of the jury who hand out the excessive awards because it is after all it’s the insurance company’s money not a real persons.

      Really the bottom line...I get it people think lawyers are evil...they also think being a lawyer means you’re rich...I don't need you to keep telling me over and over. Especially when it’s just not true. Many lawyers are really in it to help people and to protect people’s rights. And MOST lawyers are not rich but are struggling to make it just like everyone else.

I hope you have one just like you....

      Who among us doesn't remember having their mother or father say those fate-full words to them while growing up. Usually it was when you had done something rotten or were being particularly difficult. My mother said it to me frequently when I was growing up and she got her wish. It was apparent from the moment she was born that my daughter was going to be just like me. She looks so much like me that it would be impossible for me to deny her, if you lay our baby pictures side-by-side you might be hard pressed in picking who is who. She does have a few physical differences such as her hair is darker than mine was at that age, her eyes are blue, and more importantly she is taller that I was at that age.
     The major portion of her personality is night and day compared to mine, she is a genuinely happy little girl whereas I was a somber child. That being said in every other respect my mother has gotten her wish...she is just like me. She is sweet, loving, opinionated, strong willed, stubborn, hard headed, determined...in short a handful. And I wouldn't want her to be any other way. I know that raising her will be a challenge and at times I might even wish she was an easier child but I also know that the challenge will be a rewarding one.


*** She also has the same opposition to change that I do, she likes her routine and does not take kindly when something changes it.

Chatter Box

     I have mentioned that I have ADHD and Bipolar Disorder as a result I find myself to be socially awkward. One of my biggest problems is that I have a tendency to talk too much. There are a number of reasons behind my tendency to talk so much, such as paranoid or insecure thoughts about what other people are thinking about me. (Social Anxiety) I just seem to have a hard time sitting in silence with people that I don't know very well or that I am meeting for the first time. Interestingly enough I often find myself worrying about annoying people when I am talking too much, I worry that they dislike me, find me boring, or obnoxious. The more I focus on these concerns the more anxious I become and the more I tend to talk. It is only made worse by people who don't seem to contribute to the conversation because I find myself trying to fill the gaps and trying to draw out information/conversation from them.
     Other causes of my tendency to talk to much are every day anxiety, manic moods, and hyper-active periods where I experience racing thoughts. During these times I am usually going a mile a minute and may not always be conscious of the impression I am giving people. Everything in my mind is going so fast and I am processing so much information that I tend to just talk, it is almost like an effort to let it all out. During these times I may also skip from topic to topic and return to previous topics as some thought about it pops into my mind, making my conversations difficult to follow. Spending too much time by myself or without another adult to talk to makes it worse, it is almost like I am making up for lost time.
     Last but not least my tendency to talk too much may actually be caused by depression and fear. In the case of depression it must be caused by some recent event in my life to trigger excessive talking and not just a natural lull in my mood. I don't handle major changes to my life very well. I tend face it with a certain amount of fear, particularly fear of failure. When something big happens in my life I tend to obsess and try and talk it out. Unfortunately this means that friends, family, and if the situation is bad/stressful enough strangers are subjected to my ramblings. I turn to other people for their input as to what to do, or what went wrong, seeking to find what is wrong with me that whatever it is happened, or seeking reassurance that I did the right thing, or even on occasion that I did the wrong thing. I seek comfort in others and look for others to share the sort of "it could be worse" experiences, or "you’re lucky it wasn't worse". I am trying to learn to control these tendencies but it seems to be almost a compulsion for me I need and crave others input in sorting out major events.
     No matter what the reason is; the result, depending on the topic of conversation, is often the same people who don’t know me and aren’t really interested in getting to know me think me to be self-centered, self-obsessed, or even nosey due to my attempts to engage them in the conversation. My tendency to share stories that relate to others stories has been mistaken for an attempt to show up others, when in reality it usually is my awkward attempt to relate to that person through similar experiences.
     As a result I tend to stick to a small group of friends, people who have gotten used to me and are comfortable enough to tell me to stop talking. I have few close friends and many acquaintances. I often to give people a chance to get close to me because I tend to operate on the assumption that most people wont like or understand me. For me a simple conversation is rarely just that, my head is always filled with swirling thoughts that I can't seem to control and so for one reason or another I end up talking...usually too much.

Letting go of Expectations

     We all have expectations as to how things will go, sometimes it is an over all life plan other times it is a single day or event. Today was my daughters first day at daycare and I had plans as to how things were going to go. Those plans included what she was going to wear and how long it would take to get ready to go. What I didn't plan on was my 2 year old daughter having an opinion about what she would wear for the day, beyond the normal requirement that it be a dress, nor did I plan on her completely rejecting my choice.
     As a result of my short-sightedness I also failed to plan on the amount of time the struggle to get her dressed would take. Followed by the time it took for her to tell me what she would wear and then get her dressed all over again. All of which meant we didn't have the leisurely drop off at daycare I had planned, where maybe I would have gotten a picture. Instead I walked away with the memory of her happily announcing to the room that she had her "squares" on. Yet even though it didn't turn out as I expected I wouldn't change it...because she was happy and thats all that really mattered.
     Today turned out to be another lesson in learning to let go of my own expectations of how things ought to go and accepting how they go as being meant to be. For me this is yet another lesson in life having my daughter is teaching me. So I wonder have you learned this lesson? And if so what taught you?

The outfit mommy selected.

The outfit she selected and wore.

No TV's in the Bedroom...?

       Some time ago I read an article about how having a TV in the bedroom can be bad for you and your relationship. I don't currently have a relationship so that part doesn't apply to me. Anyway the article talked about how it can make insomnia worse because your brain no longer associates going to bed with sleeping...if I remember correctly it also advised against reading in bed for similar reasons. I have had issues with insomnia for most of my adult life and I have had a TV in my bedroom off and on through the years. I decided when I started law school that I wasn't going to have a TV in my room or keep my laptop in my room. I slowly found that I was watching TV or getting on my computer in the middle of the night less and less. If I had trouble sleeping I would read a little or listen to my iPod which is usually on a book. Over all I found it beneficial not having a TV in my room.
     However I have recently found my opinion on the matter shifting, like when my daughter is wide awake at 4am and wants to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or a  movie. On the mornings where I can't coax her to go back to sleep or to lay quietly in mommy's bed and play her game, I end up sitting on the couch with her right up next to me. She watches the TV while I learn to sleep through the noise. Which has me thinking why not stay in my cozy bed while still being with her as she watches her cartoons? So I gave it a test run. I wasn't feeling well and she wanted to watch her show, so using my laptop I let her watch her MMC DVD in my room while I caught a cat nap. Aside from her incessant need to be touching me with her foot it wasn't that bad. Of course now she wants to watch movies in mommy's bed all the time and the only problem I can see with this is that it currently requires the use of my laptop.
     So I have devised a plan, which will free up my laptop and please her all while keeping me from being tempted by late night TV. I am going to put a small TV in my room hooked to a 5 disk DVD player that I can fill with her shows/movies. It will not be hooked up to cable, which wont even be a temptation seeing as none of the bedrooms in my house have cable connections. I must admit I find it ironic that my desire to improve my sleep led me to do away with a TV in the bedroom and now that same desire coupled with a two year old has me inviting the TV back in.

Mickey Mouse Club House: Donald's Lost Lion...My Name is Earl

     Being a mother of a two year old I watch a lot of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, it is currently my daughter's favorite. I have begun to notice that this cartoon which is supposed to be teaching my child good things often sets bad examples. After having watched "Donald's Lost Lion" four or five times I began to be disturbed by the fact that Donald Duck has run around with Sparky his stuffed lion reeking havoc and apparently moving on to the next victim. [He causes Daisy to lose her sunglasses, Minnie's cat Figaro to run up a tree, and Goofy to break his surf board.] When we come in on the story Donald has lost Sparky and Mickey Mouse is aiding him in his search.
     I can't help comparing Donald's search to Earl's attempts to change his karma  in "My Name is Earl". He must go around repairing the damage he has done before he can find Sparky. Which I suppose is a good lesson for children to learn, but still I can't help thinking that it would be a better lesson if Donald had apologized and shown remorse when he actually caused the damage. It seems to me that the only reason he ends up helping repair the damage he has caused is because Mickey Mouse is helping him search for Sparky. I can offer plenty of other examples of undesirable behavior being re-enforced by Mickey Mouse Clubhouse but that might take all day.


Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is that adults are not meant to watch these cartoons.