The other day I found myself in a car driving around lost, I was trying to get somewhere I had never been before and my GPS was a bit unclear in its instructions (at least as far as I was concerned). I was stressed and it didn’t help that I had fussy toddler in the backseat crying and yelling at me. When it all got to be too much I snapped at her to just stop it and be quiet. Her response surprised me, though still fussing she told me “You need to calm down mommy, I need to calm down.” Talk about a wakeup call, my stress levels over being unable to find my destination and her fussing was actually causing her to fuss even more. So I calmed down and from the back seat her little voice rang out “I did it, mommy, I dried my tears, I calmed down.”
Apparently this lesson didn’t stick with me very long as I found myself frustrated the very next morning trying to get her dressed for daycare. The more frustrated and harder I tried to get her up and dressed the more obstinate and willful she became. I finally took a deep breath sat back and started asking her what she wanted instead of trying to just get her dressed. After that things just began to fall into place, she choose a dress, then to have her hair in “tigtails”, and then to put her tights on. The calmer I stayed the easier it was to get her ready. I also notice that dropping her off at daycare was less of a struggle when we were both calm. It is really an easy lesson…my stress and emotions feed into my child’s stress and emotions…she gives instant feedback of the emotions she is getting from me.
At two she is learning to be stressed, anxious, and a bit high strung from me and that’s not how I want her to approach life and unfamiliar situations. So now I have to teach myself to calm down and approach situations that cause me anxiety and stress with at least an outward appearance of calm. As her mommy it is my job to provide a stable and loving base for her to come back to as she explores her world and asserts her independence. Having a child has made me start thinking about what I think about myself and my self-esteem, what example am I setting for her. How can I expect to help her grow a good self-esteem and confidence in herself if I don’t set those examples? I never realized that raising a child was so complicated.
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